We've all heard Satan's pitch at least once in our lives. The offer's always a little different, but the price (you would find if you didn't slam the door in his face) is always the same: your soul. Sometimes it's a dependable new set of encyclopedias. Sometimes it's a "free" gift card. "Would you like to supersize your order for just a soul more?" According to a recent survey of 20,000 residents of Hell, these deals have accounted for less than .2 percent of Hell's incoming tenants. You might actually want to consider taking the deal, however, when you hear about a common side effect: Becoming a badass flaming skeleton with the power to kill demons effortlessly. Johnny Blaze discovers this 20-some years after wasting his deal trying to save his klutzy father from cancer—who immediately kills himself in a freak, 'Leap of Death' accident. Unfortunately, Johnny's super cool affliction manifests itself after he becomes Nicholas Cage, so instead of becoming the chick-magnet you would expect, he's stuck pining after his old flame, Roxie (played by porn actress Eva Mendez...wait, what? She's not in porn? She's been in other, real, shown-in-theaters movies? That can't be right...) Anyway. The devil overreacts when his son, Blackheart, comes out of the closet, and Mephisopheles hires Johnny to kick his candy ass. This is not something I'd normally condone reveling in, but Blackheart is also pure evil and trying to destroy the world or something, so it's okay to enjoy seeing his powdered face get punched from here to drama club.