Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Released shortly before Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li was part one of an insidious, cross-studio plot to systematically destroy strategically chosen beloved franchises and, by extension, an entire subculture of nerds. Luckily, Roland Emmerick's Legend of Zelda movie was canned and the plan crumbled in it's final phase, leaving the evil masterminds responsibile to go into hiding, pouring all their remaining funds into the Cowboy Bebop live action movie with Keanu Reeves. The world was left with two shameful blights forever scarring its unalterable history. Most tried to ignore Dragonball and Chun Li or turned to powerful drugs for even the most fleeting feeling of blissful ignorance. We at QuipTracks, however, cannot turn a blind eye to such cinematic injustice. We have taken these horrific devices of torture and made them into something we can all feel good about. Like E. Honda with a turbo switch, "Street Fighter" slaps you with an unending barrage of inept directoral decisions and inconceivably insipid performances. Crime lord M. Bison, head of feared organization "Shadalao" (the director's inspired take on Shadaloo), threatens to clean up the slums of Bangkok and build nice homes there. He also loves his daughter and would like to see her again. But all her life, Chun Li blamed Bison for her gradual change from a little Chinese girl into a Canadian, and she's not about to just sit back while he buys a majority share of the slums.