The shitstorm of scariness is boo-gins now! Make sure to turn your FRIGHT meters on every night in October for more hauntingly horror-tastic videos!
Cling to the very last shreds of your sanity as you accompany two stupid souls name Matthew & Patrick as they enter the freyed tatters of the world of the sleeping guardian of R'yleth.
The shitstorm of scariness drags on! Matt & Pat whip out their phones to deal with the trolling asshole ghost's of Hudson Soft's Calling.
Even poor people are not safe from the shitstorm of scariness! Can Matt & Pat beat enough hobos to survive this night of stupidity?
Come along with Matt & Pat as they take a fun journey on this goddamn cursed mountain.
Matt & Pat travel once again to the land of the rising sun to scream and swear at Japanese zombies/ghosts/assholes.
Pat is such a nerd about this Silent Hill stuff, jesus christ.
Oh no, that slutty ghost Alma is back! Will Matt & Pat be able to shoot/kill her for good this time?
Matt and Pat try and survive by their lonesome!
The Best Friends discover a new kind of horror, voyeurism! Man this game is creepy as fuck.
Matt and Pat want to play a game......but they couldn't find one in time, so now they're playing some SAW shit, I guess.
In space, no one can hear Pat get freaked out.
Man, learning that Dinosaurs had feathers was seriously the god damn worst.
I thought this was going to be about Liam Neeson fighting wolves, but I sure was wrong on that one wasn't I?
Matt and Pat hate small children with a passion...so this will not bode well for plucky young Amy!
They made a game based on the 1981 movie, "THE THING". WHYYYYYY?
Why do we always wind up in prison? And not one of those cool lady-prisons?
Fuck these fucking scary half-life mods. FUCK.
Suit up marine! You're gonna investigate tons of monster closets for hours on end!
Matt gets put on the spot as he's forced to partake in one of Pat's favorite hobbies...hunting for men in dark alleys.
Delving even deeper into the indie scene, Matt and Pat run into some bullshit fucking imps or something.
Matt gets scared a bit playing Dead Space, while Pat's busted old tram fetish rears it's shamefull.
Shodan didn't forget about you, HACKER. She took that revenge all the way to the Space West Coast.
Matt & Pat are trapped in some damn laboratory, and they are seemingly alone...with nothing but the squeeling of dead cats to keep them company.
We're off to the frozen wastes of time travelling ghost Russia. What could go wrong?
Neither of us played Clock Tower 1 or 2, so I'm sure this just gonna go super well. Also, Pat has no idea how survival horror games work.
Japanese girls are the ancient enemy of ghosts. This is known.
LiSteN, this VideO is rEAlly tiGHt! In tHE naME oF tHE BesT frIENDS!
Matt and Pat get transported to highschool where they will get beat up by jocks and evil plant monster-things, and listen to Sum 41. Oh, the horror.
Wow! What a mansion!
Holy shit! Dennis Dyack's one accomplishment in life! Poor Dennis. The Best Friends will see it through and persevere through this Lovecraftian nightmare!
THE SHITSTORM HAS ARRIVED!
We delve deep into the creepy gravy boat folklore of ancient Japan.
TACTICAL GHOST AVOIDING ACTION!
Yo bitch, why the fuck you live in a haunted puzzle house?
The Best Friends go to Indonesia, to see what weird horror they gots, and try not to end up in jail.
"Everything's cursed with you! Ohhh this is cursed! That is cursed! EVERYTHING'S CURSED!"
This fear is really cold you guys!
Pat goes on a journey to punch these damn shit kids.
To the Orphanarium! Plus! Surprise guest! SO SPOOKY
This nightmare is really new! Fresh off the shelves!
Usually if you said the words, "SPACE DINOSAURS" it would be fucking radical. Sadly, this is not the case.
"Mulder, there has got to be a scientific exploitation for all of this --" "WE SAW ZOMBIES CHEWING ON PEOPLE FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SCULLY!"
THE BEST FRIEND ZAIBATSU IS DEAD. GAME OVER.
Is this Mass Effect or Dead Space? Is it even scary? What the fuck is this game?
I got the horrible plague, and the only thing that can cure me is these haunted mushrooms? Let's go!
Grandma? You there? I'mma put my whore make-up and bounce around in the woods looking for wolves, kaaay?
Amusement Parks, magic cameras and jump scares? Lets go!
We finally played it, and BOY is this game indie as fuck. And scary!
Off to the arctic to bend it like Beckam I spose! Poppycock!
Here piggy piggy pigggggggy!
Watch as Matt and I stumble through our inability to speak PORTUGUESE, not even HORROR PORTGUESE. No seriously though PORTGUESE language horror is fucking terrifying.
We delve into the scary, horror filled world of OFFICES AND DEADLINES. SO SPOOKY.
Pat's favorite episode because he's a scary wimpy baby when it comes to bugs.
THE COUNTDOWN ENDS HERE!
Just because this is the shortest shitstorm of the month, doesn't make it any less actually scary. Oh you crazy jogos. You so cray.
I have a feeling that given half the chance, a ghost will take a million selfies of itself.
This guys flat is evil, spooky, but more than anything? FUCKING CONFUSING. And it knows that Clark Gable was a suave ass guy.
MARRRRIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???
Dementium is pretty radical, and we've got an early look at this PC build!
Truly, the most shittefying control scheme of all time! SPOOOOKY!
THE SHIT IS SPENT! SO LET'S INVESTIGATE THESE CREEPY BUG-OBSESSED INCEST SHIT KIDS!
Come check out part 1 (of 7!) of one of the most requested games we've ever had during the shitstorm! It'll be Spooky!
Boy I sure do love drunks that tell me unspeakable horrors.
Maybe we shouldn't have come to this fucking stupid fish town and ESPECIALLY not to this guys house.
Well, I guess we've overstayed out welcome then, haven't we?
Into the sewers! Gosh I hope we don't encounter a crippling bug in here!
Puzzles? I hate puzzles! But fuck it, let's break this guy out of jail.
That's it! The game is tearing itself apart, and the week is over. Sorry Cthulhu, the madness of your crippling bugs was too much.
Nothing like after a long week of fighting Eldritch horrors that we unwind by fighting cock-blocking douchebags and monsters even scarier than old gods. Because these are bugs. Bugs are gross.
Wait what? There's giant gorillas in this? Okay? But like, isn't this island name inaccurate now? Shouldn't it be, "Escape From Bug/Gorilla Island"?
Just stick your fucking hand into this pulsating pile of maggots! Why not? Plague of Gripes does that shit all the time like it was nothing!
FUCK THESE STUPID ANT BOMBS! Why has nature conspired against me like this?
Oh lovely, just perfect! Danky, stinky caves that smell really bad. Although, I think all our adventures in the Woolie hole will have given us the experience to survive in such an environment.
WE ENTER THE MOTHERFUCKING CAVE OF TIME!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh.....I think?
Well, that's as far as we got! And we even used time travel to get here! We've gone all the way back in time a few hours! To fight even more giant bugs!
Back to these shit kids and their dumb orphanage for babbies!
Okay, we are in your big dumb flying ship, now what, kids? WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT!?!?!
As long as we have the wonder pup Brown at our disposal! Nothing can stop us!
Goddamn Amanda, you are really starting to creep us the fuck out.
Damn, this rabbit sure does crapoop alot!
Damn, these red feathers are fucking up Brown's nose! That's bullshit!
Damn! Will this madness ever end? Who the hell was the stray dog? Might we finish this game someday? Maybe!
This reminds me of my old job a little actually...ehh...it's not that ba---AHHHHHHH!
Korea double valentines is weird man. I don't really get it, or why you need a crazy guy with a baseball bat to celebrate it.
This is pretty much how Pat acts when he's alone in a type of house.
What would life be like if Matt and Pat were tiny babies? It'd be spooky, that's what!
Just because you on the SNES Clock Tower, doesn't mean you can't be scary! Goooo Scissor Man!
These stupid dick cannibals are breaking my flow, man! GIVE ME BACK MY SON!
This house is alot like the one from 13 Ghosts. Remember that shit? No, neither do I!
Proving once again that you don't need to be 3D and in first person to be scary!
I'm drunk. I'm alone. Let's do this!
Kojima and Del Toro team up to make us shit our pants! Do they succeed? Maybe!
Spooky Fact - In college, Matt had to paint a bowl of fruit. Like 14 or 15 times. By comparison, he only got to paint 2-3 naked ladies. So yeah...that sucked.
Spooky Fact - Alien Resurrection was an actual film that got released. People actually financed and directed this thing into existence. Fucking terrifying.
Spooky Fact - Children are basically fucking terrifying and ruin people's lives without thinking twice about it. No wonder the Devil likes them so much.
Spooky Fact - NASA wastes like a billion dollars every day on stupid space shit.
Spooky Fact - Schools just amount to desolate dark hallways filled with only pain and embarrassment. Trust us, we know.
Spooky Fact - There is nothing scarier than realizing you have wrongly recorded audio on your internal speakers and not your mic. BOO!
Spooky Fact - You're not even really safe within the confines of your home? Fuck me! I guess if you jump in the air, that 1 second you're off the ground is the only time one can truly be at peace.
Spooky Fact - I'm pretty sure Sean Bean must be the grim reaper disguised under the mortal coil of a handsome British man. How else could he have survived death so many times?
Spooky Fact - There isn't anything spookier than accidentally recording with an internal speaker and not your mic! Sorry!
Spooky Fact - Before Let's Playing, Pat often dreamed of using his natural physical abilities to become a Scissorman a few years ago. But he found it was a lot of work.
Spooky Fact - During college, Matt and Pat were invited to tons of parties, and were super popular. They didn't spend their nights like losers, alone in their mom and dad's houses, playing video games all night long. No way.
Spooky Fact: In England they call things different names than other countries. Also, they sound weird. I betcha Nightmare Creatures is called something stupid over there, like, "Fortnight Ghoulies" or some shit.
Spooky Fact - Matt and Pat run afoul some Irishmen! Now, being stalked and lost in the forest is bad enough...but being chased and lost in an IRISH Forest? JAYSIS!
Spooky Fact - While some may say that the butcher, the raging fires underneath the streets of Silent Hill or even the manifestations of someone's own GUILT are the true evils of the world...but we all know what the darkest, blackest evil is.... KONAMI.
Spooky Fact - Both Matt and Pat have each done a hard dime on the inside for various offenses.
Spooky Fact - In the 1930's, people were all basically weird mutants. They talked weird, they dressed weird, and a lot of them were poor for some reason. Lazy bums. The economy was doing great back then I'm pretty sure!
Spooky Fact - They call them fingers, but I never seem em' fing. Oh wait, there they go!
Spooky Fact - Stairs kill approximately four thousand children per second.
Spooky Fact - The asylum presented in Outlast is still a more fair and even-handed representation of a mental health facility than David Cage could do.
Spooky Fact - Did you know that Skeletons FORCE babies to accommodate their ever expanding growth? Against their own will? Skeletons are amazing!
Spooky Fact - Chefs are already pretty annoying to have to deal with in the best of times. But undead zombie chefs? During a fever-educed nightmare? Fuck.
Spooky Fact - Geo-political issues, overpopulation and global warming SEEM like important issues...but weird faces staring at you and creepy baby dolls are the real problems plaguing the earth.
Spooky Fact: Over 34,456 people are attacked by tentacles in Japan every hour.
Spooky Fact - Scientists have recently reported we unfortunately won't be able to nuke all of the oceans and their gross denizens until about 2035.
Spooky Fact - In the Pocono mountain region, 134 people who have weird polygonal PSX faces go missing every month.
Spooky Fact - Mannequins are pretty sexy, all things considered.
Spooky Fact - Capcom thought Resident Evil Operation Raccoon City was a good idea, released it as a finished product and charged money for it.
Spooky Fact - In the land of the rising sun, and want to take your family to a fun and exciting destination? Why not visit the gorgeous suicide forest?
Spooky Fact - If you decide to go to a cabin on a lake with a bunch of your sexually active friends, just say, "How about we just stay in, Netflix and chill?"
Spooky Fact - The monsters in this house of jump scares main method of attack is HEART ATTACKS???
Spooky Fact - There's a slim chance we won't be able to nuke the oceans and it's disgusting inhabitants before the end of our lives. That's the spookiest of all thoughts!
Back to the Spooky House! Let's spooky it up!
"I stood there motionless in the hallway as a faraway sound echoing throughout the hallways of the house had frozen my blood. After a few moments...the reverberations from the indescribable noise faded, and soon enough...my fear. I then decided it must have been the creaking bones of the structure I was in, simply settling and relaxing into the foundations of rock and earth it was built upon. Breathing in, I then turned around to trek back up the stairs, and just as swiftly the breath was sucked back out of my lungs once more. I was thereupon starring at a dark, piteous face that was mere inches away from my own; with sullen eyes and rivets of steel lodged into it's features. It was then at that moment that I knew, as I could feel my very heart cease to pump blood throughout my body...that I was the latest victim of Grandma Swamp."
"The lightning storm outside illuminated my cabin through the porthole, and I felt a sense of darkening dread wash over me followed quickly by wave of nausea. I had been at sea for the better part of a week, and my stomach had not yet gotten accustomed to the slow but purposeful swaying of the ship. The voyage I was on was long and arduous, but I was determined to sea it through...the horror I had to leave behind. My friends...even some of my family had been slain and I was the one who had found the bodies, the unshakeable image of their flayed corpses, the tendrils of intestines coiling around like so many gore-covered snakes...these images still haunted me. I swallowed hard, a feeling I felt all the way down to my own stomach, and I knew I had to use the nearby lavatories once more...damn to hell this swaying ship. I then got up with a wobble, and made by way over to the small room that housed the toilet and then suddenly, just like the spell of nausea had suddenly swept over me, it just as quickly left. I didn't feel it at all...in fact, I didn't feel anything...my head slowly cocked down and I saw why...long, rusty 3 ft blades had punctured my stomach and ran me clean through. The Scissorwalker had found me...and my sea journey was at an end."
"Those damned parasites had killed over half of the people working at this installation!" Jake spat as he tore down the steel ramp of the hallway. They had to have originated from somewhere, but where? Just then, a vent opened up in front of him and more of the disgusting creatures poured out. Jake swung his rifle butt to his shoulder and started tearing into their fleshy pulsating mass. "Arghhh, chew on THIS!" he yelled with false bravado. While there was a certain satisfaction to killing the things, the questions were piling up like bodies. Who had unleashed these things? What type of voodoo curse had been uttered upon this Arctic station? The young operative swore he would track down the gypsy who had done this...caused the slaughter of hundreds of innocent scientists and security staff, just as they were probably reaching a new breakthrough in...what Jake was sure must have been an important field! And right on the cusp of such a discovery, these damned ghosts starting attack them! "Not on my watch! These bigfoot will PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE!"
"My breath was tearing through my lungs as I hobbled as fast as my legs could carry me; my left was bleeding bad and leaving trails of crimson behind that were oddly glowing in the pale moonlight of the Arizona sky. I had no idea where my wife was, but at the moment I had to focus on myself or she'd be lost forever in this insane place...something I didn't want to think about. I had read up about cults before...but I don't think I could have ever been adequately prepared for what I found here...the hot sticky smell of decaying carcasses, the incessant buzzing of flies gorging themselves on the feast laid before them...it was all too much. I had to keep running though, or that insane mob would find me, and I assumed I'd be tossed into that dark hole with the rest of their victims. As I ran, I noticed I was coming up to a shadowy area flanked by trees on either side and I looked up; clouds had just moved over the moon, drastically cutting down on visibility..."Good" I thought, it would be harder for them to find me...but then I realized it would be next to impossible to see MY pursuers as well. I reached into my bag and pulled out my camera and flipped on the nightvision mode, rivulets of sweat pouring down my forehead as I did so. I held up the camera and saw the ghostly green images of the world around me coming into view...I swallowed...not sure if I would outlast the night...outlast this horror."
"Satoshi crept along the darkened hallway, his palms sweaty and his shirt felt oddly constricting. Everyone had seen him fall, the echoing sound of his body thudding against the classroom floor rang off the walls of his skull over and over again. It was so embarrassing, and now he had somehow been separated from the group in this strange place...he just woke up here without the foggiest notion how. Nevertheless, Satoshi grit his teeth and promised to himself that he would never be scared again and show them all what he was really made of...show them all the he was just as cool-headed as Kimura! As this thought bolstered his resolve, Satoshi whirled around and saw the pale after-image of a figure and it was slowly gliding towards him. "Saaaaatoooooshiiiiiii..." the figure wailed in a tone that was etched with pain and suffering. Satoshi froze up at the sight of it, and closed his eyes, his knees buckling. He could feel cold breath against his cheek, and the odorous smell of death filled his tiny anime nostrils. His left eye then dared to open a crack, and then shot open as he saw absolutely nothing in front of him any longer. His head turned in all directions and noticed the hallway was clear except for him. He breathed in a sigh of relief, and just as he was rising to his feet he felt two long cold arms embrace him from behind, "SaaaaaatOOOOSHIIIIIIIIII!" the voice screamed in his ear. Satoshi's body convulsed and spasmed and then realized as the phantom enveloped him, that he had shit his pants."
"I could hear the bestial wailing in the darkest corners of my mind, and my long unkempt nails were scratching at my scalp as I tried to almost physically remove the words from my brain. Yet...they would not leave. My eyes quickly darted around my cell, caked with filth and stinking of rot, but little did I care. The words...the words kept gnawing at me, dragging my own thoughts back from the front of my consciousness and into the cob-webbed recesses of my very being. The monsters outside pounded on my door, and instinctively I reached for my axe and gripped it so hard I could almost feel my veins burst with the effort. My eyes focused on the door, still shuddering with the pulpy flesh I would soon cleave, and then...as loud as ever, as loud as a thunderclap from the old gods themselves, the words shattered my mind, and repeated once more...."DO THE FATALITY!"
"The scratching of the nails against the stone floor made me flinch...and instantly snapped me back into the reality of my situation. I was huddled under an administrative table and the...thing was crawling around just outside the room; as far as I could tell, it looked like a malnourished girl, but even that I can't be sure of. I looked around the little bit of the room I could see, it seemed so much older and dustier then when I first walked in, as if it had aged 50 years in the 5 minutes I've been here. I just want to go home, all I wanted to do was make some extra cash as a receptionist at this hospital...and now I'm stuck in this nightmare. I gripped my cell phone as hard as I could to drown out the sound of the scratching nails against the door...it was getting close. "Please go away..." I whispered...and after a few moments, it was silent. I listened, and then the scratching nails became more distant...it was going away...it was going away! I could feel tears welling up in my eyes...and that's when my cell phone went off. The alarm I had set! I fumbled with the phone and dropped it as I scrambled to turn it off. I could barely breath as I heard the nails scratching rapidly across the floor followed by the door creeping open."
"I was sitting in the darkened lobby, my legs and arms crossed as I impatiently waited to be lead into the main office. You can never go in there without the go-ahead, and I'd rather not tempt fate now. My mind swirled with alot of questions...what exactly was Ruvik? Or those zombies I read about in the brief? Where they only localized within the machine? Or not? I had heard some crazy crossbow was only available within Ruvik's mind...I think? And what about all that bio-slime? None of it added up, and I was starting to feel it never would. I had to keep my suspicions to myself, I couldn't tell Sebastian or anyone, really, cuz if I didn't understand it...I doubt anyone else would. As I sat there, my train of thought was brought to a sudden halt as a snapping sound followed by a fizzling could be heard, and all the lights in the hallway went dark. I looked around, my instincts on edge. I then saw a wavering and jittery beam of light start to play across the left most wall, about 30 feet away. Was that a diving helmet? And...stockings and nylons? Man, that's hot."
"This mission is a mess!" Sgt. Ingles thought to himself as he starred at the lone helmet that was filled with blood and brain matter that had just fallen from the flight deck. "Gross!" he further exclaimed. But he was right, this mission had gone really poorly really fast. Ingles had doubled back to this entry point upon receiving a peculiar piece of equipment; a type of head-mounted scanner that can apparently perceive viral threats. "What a load of bull!" Ingles thought as he began walking once more into the darkened hallways of the carrier. His head snapped to the left as he heard the power breakers go on and off again, which distracted him as a human figure lunged from the shadows! "Thank god you are here! Save me!" shrieked the figure. Reacting quickly, Ingles shot the zombie multiple times, center mass, dropping the mutant to the floor. Ingles looked down on the body and smirked, "Not today, monster!" he mused.
"The village was rapidly becoming more and more barren and lifeless as the weeks slowly dragged into months...our loved ones gone forever without a trace. That creeping shadow the children had first seen...the same shadow we were initially so dismissive of has gripped our entire world in it's long unholy fingers...I can even feel it shuffling outside my door right now. I have as many candles lit inside my home as I can, without burning down the place...but even still sometimes I think it would be better if it did. If this entire damned village would just burn to the ground, then there would be no one left to terrorize, no one left to torture. I look outside my window at a flicker of movement...that scarecrow again, just mocking us, mocking everything we've lost. I knew I should have thrown him away if I had the chance...but I don't think it would have helped save this cursed forest."
"The chattering sound of the ghost echoed against the wooden floor, and the sweat that was sticking to my body from the humidity was only intensifying with the fear coursing through it. I was crouched down in a tiny closet, clutching my phone against my chest, my heart pounding. "How did things go so wrong?" I thought. I was on a harmless school trip with my classmates, and now I'm stuck in this purgatory...this hell, surrounded by restless spirits. I decided to check my phone once again, maybe I was dreaming or hallucinating? Maybe I could actually get reception and call someone? I flicked through, but noticed I had zero bars, none. I would never be getting out of here. I opened up my camera, desperate for something to occupy my mind, barely hearing the sound of the spirit outside. I closed my eyes and breathed in, and looked at the screen... ...the ghost was in the closet with me."
"I told Dallas and Lambert this was going to happen, it's basic protocol to not let anyone aboard a ship if there might be the chance of a foreign containment or infection. Well we certainly fucking got one now. I still remember how Kane screamed when that...thing shot out of his chest...the only thing more horrible than his screeching...was Lambert's. OHHHH GAWWWWD! Like, what the hell was that? I'm glad she's probably dead."
"Despite the suit's mask frame covering my face, I could still feel the cold edge of the wind cutting into my skin...chilling me to my core. My vital readouts indicated my body temperature was nominal...but this was a different type of cold, that type of frigid dread that encased my body twice before...but this felt way worse. Still though, I pressed on through the storm getting closer to the facility. Visibility was bad; just a white blur surrounding the heat signature of my destination about a half klick away. Just then, the snow burst up all around me like a geyser and 3 ravaged bodies sprung back to life, their intestines splayed out and whipping around them like tails. I readied the plasma cutter and shot off three quick bursts, slicing two of the necomorphs at the knees...or what was left of their knees, and they fell back into the snow helpless and crying like a pathetic newborn thing that shouldn't exist. The 3rd necro managed to avoid my last blast and was slinking low into the snow, it's visceral red musculature bright red from freezer burn and it's limbs crackling and creaking as they tried to move it's body along. I aimed and pulled the trigger again, and that same icy dread shot through my nervous system as the cutter fizzled and it's readylight flickered red, indicating it was malfunctioning from the cold. I swore and then quickly looked back up to get a flash of gnarled teeth as the necro jumped ontop of me and slammed me onto the frozen valley floor. My visor fogged up as the thing's screeching mouth let loose a blast of air and I started to feel one of it's tendrils cutting into my suit. I was fucked...and it was then that I realized a really should have invested in some microtransactions before coming to this planet..."
"Dear Grandma, I miss you alot and I feel like we haven't seen you in ages, which I guess is mostly our fault. Mom made us move pretty far away and it takes a long time to drive to your house, so whenever I ask about visiting you, they always give that excuse. Anyway, I'm doing okay I guess...but I dunno, I feel like something's wrong. Mom is getting more and more distant and I feel all alone in the house sometimes, it always makes me remember the great times we had together...reading through your dusty old books and drinking hot chocolate...I miss those days. That reminds me, I remember those really neat mannequins you had in the house! Sometimes I would look up from my reading because I could swear out of the corner of my eye I could see the mannequin move slightly! Just a twitch or a head turn...something I was never quite sure of...but hahahaha...that would be impossible! Just my imagination playing tricks on me! Anyway, love you grandma!"
"I no longer know how long I've been kept in this putrid cell, just wasting away alone...away from my family. Father had his intentions and I respected then, but if the gods had given me any insight into how this would have unraveled, I never would have agreed. Now all I can hear is the shuffling hooves of the creature outside my cell door, the far away screams of what I assume are other innocent souls... And the oily snake-like smell that sticks to all the stones of this damned place like a long-forgotten curse, it still makes me shudder. Still it's not all bad...I mean, I could be forced to play God of War Ascension. Does anyone even remember that? Fuck."
My eyes slowly open, but all I can see if pitch black. "Great," I utter to myself...another one of THOSE days. Ahhh fuck this! I move the heavy slab, the dust shifting onto my face, the grinding of the stone barely touching my ears. I then slowly rise and can feel all my cracking bones and loose tissue hanging off my frame invigorated with life once more. "I live again!" I whisper in my most sinister of tones. Heh heh, always wanted to say that! I then grab the pitchfork at my feet and instantly know I have a long perilous journey ahead of me....I journey of finding the right colored keys for the right colored doors, and making cheesy one-liners about death and destruction. Yes, I'm in the 90s and it is GLORIOUS!"
"What? This tape is weird! Just a bunch of random stuff and imagery...it makes no sense to me. I can't follow the plot at all. Okay, so this weird centipede...it walks under a ladder...and then there's this well? Who is the well working for? Does the centipede know? I'm not sure. Anyway, I have to go into work tomorrow, and hopefully Tom can explain why the movie was in black and white...just, what a waste of a weekend. I didn't even rewind the tape either, I was so mad. I hope "The Ring II" is better than the first one."
"Those damned kids...always making fun of me, always trampling over my crops, stomping out my flowers...I'll show them...I'll get them...I'll grab them, and squish them and cut them and break them...then I'll sacrifice them to my dark master. I'll smile as I'll watch their limp cold bodies get dragged up into the sky and their souls be used to power my master...then they'll see, then they'll regret coming onto my farm...ruining my way of life. Oh, how sweet it'll be when I sup the marrow out of the tiniest bones, the reward my master will spew forth from his dimension, his divine leftovers...all for me," Plague of Gripes thought to himself as he looked out of his farm house window.
"Oh jeez! I really hope I can get that time off and my vacation underway as soon as possible! While it's fun being underwater everyday with the crushing weight of thousands and thousands of gigaliters of pressure always threatening to smoosh us into nothing, I sure would like some shoreleave! Man, it would be really great if some horrible tragedy happened where I could use it as leverage to get that sweet sweet vacation day even sooner! Maybe I can poison that disgusting perverted chimpanzee that's always running around on deck 4, man I'm so sick of that thing! I can feel it's cold black piteous eyes roaming over me when I'm alone...I can smell it's putrid flesh-covered breath wafting down the hallways and while no one else notices, I can see human skin and blood caked under it's sharp. talon-like nails. Man, if I could manage to kill it, I'd be a hero! Then I can start my radical vacation! Everything's coming up Mooky!" Big thanks to Damon for the game donation and Hitomi pic!
"I turned the corner, afraid of what the flashlight's beam might reveal. Suddenly, a roughly painted symbol of a torch glowed in the light. Behind it, hidden by a rock, sat a battered metal trunk. It was here for a reason, packed with supplies: batteries, flares, ammo. Things you need to make it through the darkness of the night. Something left behind by someone who knew what I knew, and more. It was something I had sorely needed because the night had been one desperate situation after another. I was exhausted and my body felt as though it had been chewed up and spat out. The flashlight was heavy in my hand, and each pull of the trigger sent a painful shock up my arm. But I was finally out of the woods and things were looking up. That's when I heard the chainsaw, and I knew my attacker would skin my ass raw. Because I knew if this day kept going this way, I'd most likely break something tonight."
"The driver's eyes flickered to the rear-view mirror every couple of seconds, sweat beading down his forehead as he gunned the accelerator. He had been driving for hours, but felt like he should never stop, he felt like he couldn't stop because if he did...he'd be dead. He wasn't sure what had gone wrong, either the ritual or the the old woman had double-crossed him, but honestly it didn't matter now...he was being hunted, chased, or CURSED...whatever you'd like to call it. Je squinted as he tried to regain his focus and put it on the dark stretch of road he was driving on, he could barely make out anything 10 feet in front of his headlights due to the night being so dark. He figured though, he must have put enough distance between him and the spirit by now, and he breathed in a small sigh and laid back against his seat. He then reached up and tilted the rear view mirror down a bit, and his blood ran cold. It was in the back seat."
"I cracked the wooden board against the thing's face and it fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. I then ducked low and backed up against the wall to the right and tried to be as quiet as possible. I listened...no sound. I guess whatever else was on this floor hadn't heard me. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on nor did I really care for that matter. All I knew is that I had to find my sister and get the hell out of here. I took the gun out of my back pocket and I started to silently trudge down the hallway as silently as possible, careful to avoid the shards of broken glass that were lying around everywhere. I turned the corner swiftly, and my face fell slack at what I saw: one of those monsters was rubbing up against a door in a strange circular motion, and he seemed to be walking in place...and what's more, he was clipping through the geometry. What the fuck was going on? When would this nightmare end?"
"Something felt different about this place...nothing quite like what I and my Uncle had ever experienced before. The walk to the mansion was a tense one, as a thin veil of fog clung to the grass and Uncle was unusually silent as we made our way up the winding path. My thoughts eventually drifted to some of our previous adventures in other haunted locations across the country, and how we so often never found any conclusive evidence of the paranormal. But like I said earlier, I knew this time would be different. That's when I suddenly stopped in my tracks, as I was starring directly into the face of my Uncle, his eyes glassy and inhuman, his expression blank and vacant as he starred right through me. Someone had modeled and animated his face so badly, the he would probably be the most scary thing I would wind up seeing that night."
"Oh! These horrible terrible people are in MY home! What are they doing here? Trying to steal my frescos, are they? Of course they are! They want my paintings, and my secrets and my my dignity! But they will not get it! What they'll get is an army of my dark servants, impeding their every move! Craving their every drop of blood! Hungry for their every scrap of flesh! Muhahahaha! I will send cursed dolls! And um...lots of wisps! And a bunch of worms! They will never be able to beat such an army! Oh! Lest they forget about my falling chandeliers! They form the lieuntenants of my wicked forces of the damned! MUAHHAHA! They will rue the day they ever entered into my SWEET HOME! *insane cackling intensifies*
"My hands are still shaking, which is something that doesn't usually happen when you're holding a tactical 12 gauge close to your chest. I just saw Philips get torn apart; his blood splattering the walls, his guts in a crimson pile on the floor, his brain matter scattered across the entire hallway. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, as the sit rep for this mission was as vague as they come...but I had to keep pushing on since evac was only going to be at 22 hundred, and on the other side of the compound. I ran through the hall, almost slipping on the slickness of Philip's remains and then forced the bile back down my throat. I turned the corner and I saw it...her...whatever it was, the little girl, framed in fire and screams coming from...all around her. I felt a burning sensation in my left hand so I brought it to my face and froze as I saw my glove melt away, and soon enough, my flesh. I saw the bleached white bones sticking through the gooey flesh and I then started screaming. 3 years of training and another 7 out in the field and I get wasted by a little girl. UGH, FINE!"
"The fiery fumes radiated off the hulking mass as it trudged down the dank corridor on deck 3, vaguely heading towards the distant sound it had heard. It didn't know how it came into existence, but the only thing it knew is that it needed to hunt, to kill...to annihilate any life it felt in it's vicinity. Just then, a clanging sound of metal on metal echoed down the hallway and pierced the fragile silence. The molten beast looked up, a piteous look on it's hard face and started to stomp in the direction of the clang. The metal flooring hissed as it's burning appendages slammed into the ground, and it's deep growling moans got louder as it reached it's destination. It entered the room the sound had emanated from, looked inside and began waving it's massive head in all directions. It then stopped for a few moments, almost suspended in time, then snapped it's head to a closed locker, ripped it opened, and then grabbed me on either side of my head, the last things I heard were the hissing sounds of my flesh."
"Mom had been sick for months and had only gotten worse as the days stretched into months. Things had been hard enough between us before and while we had re-connected slightly, under these circumstances it's a bitter pill to swallow now. I yawned mightily in the air and looked around the dim hospital room; mom was sleeping as usual, and a sour smell hung in the air that I could not pin point. for some reason, this really bothered me so I decided to get up and look through the window just at the foot of mom's bed; a soft patter of rain hit the window and I starred into the darkness. Just then, with a flash of lightning, I saw something out on the cold deserted street...it looked like a long dark figure...and I saw blazing white eyes too. No...it was gone? Was it a shadow? Just my tired eyes playing tricks? I rubbed my temple and felt a headache coming on, the stress has to be getting to me. I sighed and turned around to the room and my blood froze. Mom's bed was empty.
"Dirty stupid people coming into our forest, swinging around their blasted light! This is our home, our special place, and they are sullying this hallowed ground! Why can't they leave us in peace? Well, if they want to play...then we will play with them! We'll play with their blood, play with their guts, and play with their bones! Tee hee hee! Then they'll see! Then they'll see it's not nice to come into someone's home uninvited! To pry, to make fun of us! They'll regret the day they disturbed the shit kids!"
Umbrella Employee #03 Report, June 23rd 1998 3:05 pm So the T-Virus was inadvertently released today...not particularly the best way to start off a Monday. While most people around here and panicking, and some even eating the flesh of others I remain pretty calm all things considered. There's a very small chance it'll spread much further than the Arkalay mountains, so I figured when I clock out today I'll just head down to a local bar in Raccoon and drown my sorrows. Umbrella Employee #03 Report, June 23rd 1998 6:13 pm So I was walking through the streets of Raccoon and alot of people seemed to be stressed. Has the virus actually spread? I saw alot of people ripping through entrails and stammering around with bloody mouths. It seems like something is amiss! But fuck all that really...today was a really stressful day, so I need that drink...especially since my chest feels so itchy for some reason, probably has to do with the underlying tension of work...
"Mom is always sleeping, and since I am an ungrateful child I think that's soooo boring! I don't understand why she has to work so much all through the night! Why can't she pay for everything with the money she already has? She is so lame. Anyway, I went out exploring the woods today and saw a few cool things I guess. There was a man in a boat who was near the pier, and he asked if he could come by later tonight and see if I wanted to be kidnapped. I thought about it for a bit, and since my mom is so uncool, I thought, "Sure, why not?" It'll teach her for being so boring to me! Truly the scariest part of this video is the abject horror and constant fear you live in when you have children! Yeah! I'm such a shit!"
"I was startled awake by an unheard noise...something just snapped me out of sleep and I slowly blinked my eyes as my bedroom came into focus. How long had I been asleep? I don't even remember. I rose from my bed and looked around my room, everything seemed to be bit a blurry and my head started to pound. I got up and stumbled into the bathroom and I immediately felt a heavy, oppressing air as soon as I stepped in. I looked in the mirror and saw myself; pale and pallid plus a 5 o'clock shadow shading my face already. It wasn't a particularly pleasant sight so I left the room and crossed into the main hall of my apartment, and suddenly stopped. I looked the left and saw it; my front door draped in chains, locks and fasteners. My blood froze, my palms became sweaty and I felt my pulse quicken. That's when the sudden wave of dreaded realization hit me; I had to play Silent Hill 4 The Room."
First Night - I had to make a phone call today. It went like this: "Hello? Hi! Yes I'm calling to inform you that a shitstorm is coming your way. Yes, that's right a SHITSTORM. Better get yourself ready. What's that? No, sir, closing the bathroom door won't help you, the shitstorm has a way to break through, yes, I'm sorry. You're better off to just embrace it." Then I hung up and just started sighing. If I was a smoker, this is the part where I should light up a cigarette right now. "You're better off to just embrace it." huh? Well then, shitstorm, come get me motherfucker. -Billy
Second Night - It came, the fucking shitstorm came. And boy did it leave a fucking wreck. Everything is so messed up. I don't know where to begin, it's chaotic as hell. All rationale are gone, nothing makes sense anymore. What do I do now?
Third Night - I'm sitting in my apartment, door locked. I have stopped all direct human contact. Even since the shitstorm came, I don't go to work anymore, there's no point. I'm just staying right here, where I feel safe. Safe from other people. And also, where they are safe from me. -Billy
Fourth Night - Someone knocked at my door today. I suspected it was a trap. Then they said that they were looking for me, for my name specifically. They knew who I was!!! They said they got a package for me, it's the SNES Classic Mini, the European version. Holy shit, that's oddly SPECIFIC. They KNEW exactly what I wanted. I knew it, they're out there to get me, specifically ME!! Damn. I told them to go away, but they insisted in staying, they said they required my signature. That's obviously a ploy to get me to open the door. Hell no. They eventually left, that was a close call...
Fifth Night - I spent my day looking outside my window today... There's straight-up a bonfire right there in the courtyard, and people are just throwing each other into it. This is madness. Thank goodness I'm still safe in my apartment. But for how long? This shitstorm is already lasting too long. -Billy
Sixth Night: Today, I didn't want to deal with anything. so I slept all day. Couldn't play video games because all I see is Sayako getting out of the TV. Couldn't eat anything because all food looks like crawling bugs to me. Despite knowing full well that what I see isn't what it really is, but fucking shitstorm is really fucking up my senses, and I can't see things for what they really are... unless...maybe all my life I was not seeing the real things, and now with the shitstorm, I'm finally truly seeing the ugliness in everything...?
Description will come later, i am not feeling well. -Billy
Eighth Night: Still sick. /Enddescription -Billy
THIRTEENTH NIGHT: GREETINGS, THIS IS BILLY SPEAKING. EVERYTHING IS GOING PERFECTLY FINE. NOTHING WRONG IS GOING ON, SO THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. PLEASE REMAIN CALM. IF YOU PROCEED NORMALLY, BAD THINGS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO YOU. HAPPY CHRISTMAS.
FOURTEENTH NIGHT: hELLO ALL. eVERYTHING IS FINE. lAY BACK. pRETTY DAY. mARVELOUS WEEKEND. eXCELLENT! -BILLY
FIFTEENTH NIGHT: HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO.
Sixteenth Night: This is Billy, the real Billy. Or at least I think I am. Not sure yet. I might be a clone. Or a robot. Or an Alien. Or.. I don't know anymore.... WHAT AM I?? -Billy
Seventeenth Night: I don't remember what I did today. It's a total blackout. What happened? And why do I have a huge scar across my chest? I feel like I'm missing an organ.... -Billy
Eighteenth Night: So apparently, I have a dog, or dogs...? Well, you see, this thing has three heads. Not sure if I should refer this as a singular or plural being...? So yeah, evidence indicates that it has been living in my apartment for quite a while now, even though I have no recollection of owning it. But according to the three collars, the name is Cerberus, and it sure seems that I'm its owner. In fact, this dog(s?) is extremely obedient to my every command. It's like my own pokémon, except it is not. I'm not complaining, hehehehe.
Nineteenth Night: Well, since I got a reliable guard dog, I finally found the courage to leave my apartment (I also ran out of food anyways). Turns out, there's no one alive anywhere in this city. It's a ghost city!! No wait, more like a corpse city, because dead bodies everywhere. Am I the only survivor? Did the shitstorm really take everyone and somehow forgot me? Oh well, first order of business, I went to WalMart to eat some food and feed my three-headed dog too. Then I played some video games on 10 different giant TVs, and eventually fell asleep watching a blu-ray movie. What a day! -Billy
Twentieth Night: Today is my birthday, I would have treated myself to some Korean fried chicken, but there's no chef alive to cook for me. As an alternative, I attempted to roast some chicken myself for a BBQ, but when the flame came out of my palm, it literally disintegrated the whole chicken, oops.I still don't know how to control this power. Oh right, almost forgot to mention; so yeah I can now shoot fire out of my hands now. Woohooo! I think I'm a mutant or something, I don't know. But hey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! -Billy
Twenty-first Night: I'm hungry. Cereal? At night? -Billy
Twenty-second Night: I heard from TV news channels that there were still cities with the population still alive, but every time I visit those cities, they were all void of life. Am I being deprived of human contact? This shitstorm is really getting on my nerve.
Twenty-third Night: Sorry, I can't write right now. I'm in the middle of someth-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DIE DIE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE -Billy
SOME people say this game is a trite rollercoaster of cut corners and non-canon story beats. But come ON! Fast-action that doesn't waste your time and getting rid of snore inducing puzzles? We don't see what the problem is! :p
Twenty-eighth Night: I'm finally back to present day. Sorry, I couldn't write anything for a while because I was time-travelling. That's right. It's a long story... It started during the last time I wrote something. As you may recall, I was in the middle of a fight. I was in fact fighting my future self. That's right, the future me tried to kill me. Crazy huh? But I didn't want to die. Somehow, I managed to win the fight with the help of Cerberus. Or rather, the dog really did all the work after its three head just decapitated my future self. I then found a note on him, the note was written by me, I recognize my typewriting. The note said that all versions of me from all timelines, all alternate dimensions and all parallel universes are evil and are the bringer of the shitstorm. Which is why all versions of me must be destroyed. Well, that explains why the future self tried to kill me. He was evil! On the corpse, I also found some kind of travelling device. I used it to go to the past. In fact, I went back to October 1st. More about my time-travel ventures tomorrow. -Billy
Twenty-ninth Night: Through the time-travel device, I went back to the day of October 1st. Every thing was still normal. The shitstorm hasn't arrived yet. I went to the Zaibatsu's headquarter to research and attempt to find some information about the upcoming shitstorm. After a few hours of wasted time, the phone rang. On the caller display, the call is from me, the past me! I remember, I did make a phone call. I did my best to imitate Matt's voice and answered the call. I did a shitty job at it. I think I sounded more like Woolie than Matt. But it didn't seem like it mattered because my past self didn't notice. I must have been too preoccupied about the shitstorm, I guess? It's too late to prevent the coming of the shitstorm. But I can still try to find a way to end it. The note said all Billies must die to stop it, then that's what I'm gonna do. After a good night rest, the next day I started heading towards my apartment. However, the shitstorm has already started. Outside, everyone is trying to kill me. But in self-defense, I had to incinerate the poor souls. There were so many... it's like the whole world were turned against me. It took me a few days of fighting before I finally arrive at my destination. But the apartment was barricaded. I had to figure out a way to get in. And then a marvelous idea struck. I pretended to be the delivery guy who came with the SNES classic mini, the European version. But damn, that fucker past me didn't fall for my deception! How the hell do I outsmart myself? Then I tried to remember what happened to my past self, and then it clicked. My past self was sick. Therefore, in order to make that happen, I had to pollute the air at the apartment. In order to do this, I killed the people living next door, got myself a gas mask, and poured around some toxic chemical stuff to start poisoning the air towards my apartment. My past self got sick quick very fast, and then a few days later, he died. And when he did,
Thirtieth Night: After having killed my past self, I went back to the Zaibatsu headquarter to plan my next course of action. However, I noticed something strange in the log. Particularly on nights 14, 15, and 16. I didn't write the logs of those particular days. And upon analysis, the logs on nights 14, 15 felt a malfunctioning Billy. And on the 16th, he sounded normal. What does that mean? I theorized that after I killed my past self, he must have revived and regenerated slowly but fully. I came back to my apartment on the 17th. And there he was. My past self was sleeping, but well alive. I guess along with my multiple powers, immortality is one of them. I was at loss to what to do. Then I remembered what I initially wrote on the log of the 17th Night. I wrote that I had a huge scar and felt like I was missing an organ. So I pumped lots of anesthesia to keep my past self asleep, and loaded the Surgeon memory into my brain, and performed an operation to my past self. When I opened the chest, I found a black core. I took it out and closed the body. I think this is it, this black core must be the source of the shitstorm. I destroyed the core, I think this is it. I've done my quest. I don't need to kill my past self, just the black core. Time to go back to future. But before I left, I summoned Cerberus to protect my past self. I then activated the time-travel device and which brought me back to October 28th, and I've been living peacefully until today. However, the shitstorm is still here... the black core isn't the source then? After some research, I cam to conclusion that I AM the real shitstorm, as I thought initially. So all Billies still must die. But I forgot one... myself. I'm the shitstorm. To save the world from myself, I must kill myself. It's the only way. Tonight I'm taking one last night of leisure, and then tomorrow, I'll write a final log, and then use the time-travel to go to October 23rd. The night where the future me
Last Night: If you're reading this note, it means you have defeated and killed me. By doing so, you have just ended my shitstorm, closed my time loop and my journey has finally ended. Thanks to you, October 31st will be the last day of the shitstorm, and November 1st will be a regular day. You have saved this universe. But your journey is still ongoing. You still have to get rid of your timeline's shitstorm. In order to do so, loot my corpse and you will find some tools that will help you. It is your fate to do so. I know it because I have done it. And now it is your turn. Now you must be confused. Let me explain. I am Billy, harbinger of the shitstorm. You are also Billy. Despite not looking anything alike, despite your name may have not even Billy, I am your future self, and you are my past self. We are one and the same. I am Billy. You are Billy. He is Billy. She is Billy. Your mom is Billy. Your grandson is Billy. That classmate of yours who is named Billy is Billy. The devil is Billy. God is Billy. We're all Billies. And we are all the harbingers of the shitstorm. And that is why, all Billies must die. And so, go forth to fulfill our destiny, Billy. -Billy