Complaints / Opening Titles / Chris Tarrant Intro / Chatting Up the Barmaid / Bernard Manning Joke / Hair Colouring / The Paranoiac Society / Medieval World of Sport (Fred Dinenage) / Blue Nun / Alien Mum and Son / Cigarette Machine / Two Women Talking / Vasectomy Song / Political Interview / Frankenstein and Igor / Venison / The Joys of Not Having Sex / Bernard Manning Joke / Castrated / Man in Pyjamas / Chris and Kevin Link / Main Attraction by Suzi Quatro / Alcohol-Free Lager / Commercial Break (EDITED OUT) / Spelling Mistake / Can I Marry Tania? / Bernard Manning Joke / Directing Kevin / Romeo and Juliet / PMT Song / Tomorrow's Front Page / Bernard Manning Joke / My Friend Jackie's Got a Big Kawasaki / Rolf Harris Impression