Frank Carson, Doorkeeper / Opening Titles / Chris Tarrant Intro / Da Doo Ron Ron / Patent Office Sketch / The Eurovision Gurning Competition / Police Sketch / Frank Carson Jokes / The Eurovision Gurning Competition (continued) / Pub Sketch / Karl Malden's Nose / Houdi-Elbow / Breakfast Argument / Frank Carson Joke / Link From Chris and Bob / Football Manager Sketch / Link From Frank Carson / Cold Sweat by Thin Lizzy / Bedroom Sketch / Commercial Break / Man in Pyjamas / Two Women Talking / Picking Up a Girl / Economy Version of Dallas / Frank Carson Jokes / Mick Jagger Impression / Classified Adverts Sketch / Bathtub Sketch / Rolf Harris Impression / Snig Boy / Frank Carson Joke / Link From Chris and Frank Carson / Hortense Loves Adolf Hitler, and Closing Credits / Channel 4 Announcer / Throwing-out Time /