In the mid-80s, an Iranian architect named Jahangir Salehi Yeganehrad decided he wanted to write, direct, produce, edit, score, and presumably cater and best boy his own movie. First, though, he had to change his name, and he picked a bitchin’ one: John S. Rad. We’re sad to report that he’s better at picking a Hollywood name than any of those other tasks we just listed. This is the part where we typically tell you what the movie is about, but that hinges on us understanding what the movie is about. As best we can tell, here’s what happens: After her fiancé is murdered, a woman becomes a prostitute who goes on a murder spree. At this point, John S. Rad must have realized that this plot was a total rip-off of Paw Patrol: The Movie, so the plot switches gears and tells the story of a cop who infiltrates a biker gang using unconventional techniques such as “also disappearing from the plot with no explanation.” Then an old guy fights a guy named Black Pepper. Dangerous Men was shockingly not nominated for a single Oscar. Along the way, bald guys punch each other, cars explode, belly buttons get licked, and the use of the ass-knife is pioneered. There is absolutely nothing else in the RiffTrax catalog like Dangerous Men, and even after spending all this time with it, we’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.