A QuipTrack 65 million years in the making, or at least it seemed that way to us. It really only took us five. It's Jurassic Park: the Fifth Anniversary, Final, Ultimate, Third-Time's-the-Charm, Absolutely-the-Very-Last-One Edition! Don'cha just hate technology? When it's not burning your toast or pocket-dialing your ex, it's re-animating dinosaurs at the whims of an eccentric old entrepreneur. I can't wait for somebody to invent the time machine so I can go back and punch the inventor of technology in the gonads. Anyway, it's because of the afore-mentioned entrepreneur that noted bone-brusher-offer Allan Grant finds himself on Isla Nublar participating in a test run of Jurassic Park: a magical place filled with living breathing dinosaurs that children of all ages will never forget--even after years of therapy. Along for the trip is his acquaintance and girlfriend Ellie Sattler, who apparently never says no to a couple of bottles of wine; the startlingly bizarre Ian Malcolm, who wouldn't even take a lungful of oxygen without first checking with Mother Nature; a little boy who loathes Grant's book almost as much as everybody loathes him; a wannabe computer hacker; and a lawyer whose life is cut almost as short as his leg wear. Well, the most ridiculous and crappy plans of carnivores and men often go awry, and when somebody neglects to hold onto their butt, Grant and Co. are put in jeopardy, not only from gargantuan lizards but also from the movie's crew itself! Continuity and location shift relentlessly as our heroes struggle to survive from one inconsistent shot to the next! Will they foil Spielberg and survive to collect their paychecks? It doesn't really matter what happens because with our QuipTrack you'll be ROFLing through the whole movie like a parasalolophus!
| Name | Type | Role | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cody Somers | Guest Star |