My fellow American. Today is a day. That cannot be denied. And I declare, on this day, that we, the people of America, will be Americans. Being American isn't a right. It's a privilege we are entitled to. In other words, a right. A right that we have. It means we're the best, but I think we can be better. Better Americans, for a better world. Eagles. Big hamburgers sizzling on the grill. Babies flying. Fireworks handing out meals to the homeless. Balloons shaped like cartoon animals. These are the things that make America uniquely American. If you vote for me, because I'm running, I want to tell you that we can do all these things. May we all be blessed, because this is a thing I have to say to make a certain segment of the electorate happy.